Colombia: Medellín

We caught a jeep to the town center of Salento early the next morning. 

Reid got the best seat in the jeep

There was a bus pickup outside a small convenience store. We paid $15 each and squished in a largeish shuttle bus which went direct from Salento to Medellín.

The shuttle bus to Medellín took about six hours. Despite Diego's insistence, I was trying to resist taking the dramamine because it makes me drowsy. The freeway turned out to be insanely windy and had huge elevation gains and losses through the mountains. There was lots of construction and stop and go and drivers, including bus drivers, are pretty aggressive. I caved, took a dramamine, passed out cold for an hour, and woke up feeling 100%. The bus stopped for a lunch break about halfway through and I heard one of the other girls from the bus puking in the bathroom. 

I was waiting in line for a toilet seat free toilet when I realized that I had no toilet paper. An older lady behind me in line was holding a packet and I asked her where she got it in Spanish. "Ya lo tuve," she told me. "I already had it." I thanked her and turned around. She tapped me on the shoulder, smiled, and offered me a piece from the packet. "¡Muchas gracias!" I told her.

We got some crappy gas station food for lunch. I bought a 'vegetarian hamburger' which was basically a piece of lettuce between two hamburger buns which tasted, as Joe described, 'alarming'. We all loaded back into the bus and continued winding our way through freewayside mountain towns.

Medellín has a very distinct look. It's buildings are tall and square and brick. They're very distinct sprawled up and down the green mountain valley. As we got closer to the city, the buildings starting looking distinctly Medellíny.

The Colombian Spanish accent pronounces the ll similar to a j, so Medellín is pronounced medde-jean. Reid frequently referred to me as Kejy after we discovered that.

The bus dropped us off at the airport and we took an uber to our airbnb. The airbnb was in El Poblado, one of the nicest neighborhoods in Medellin. The building had security and the apartment was on the 17th floor. The view was spectacular.

Reid did not move from that spot all night. 

We had been eating out for pretty much every meal up to that point and wanted to take advantage of having a kitchen. We walked to the grocery store. The neighborhood was very wealthy and the grocery store was very upscale. We split up without a real plan for what kind of food we wanted to get. Reid eats very healthy and had filled his basket with onions, mushrooms, eggs, bananas, avocado, and other fruits and vegetables. "Look what we got," I laughed. Diego and I had filled our basket full of chips, chocolate chip cookies, and wine. 

We walked back to our airbnb and decided to go for a quick dip in the pool at the complex. "Let's play Marco Rubio!" Reid suggested. We stared at him confused until we realized what he was talking about. "Do you mean Marco Polo?" Diego laughed. We ended up shrieking 'Rubio' in reply to 'Marco' anyway. We played colors too and splashed around in the cool water and marveled at the fact that it was Christmastime. Medellín has incredibly pleasant weather. The air remained a comfortably warm temperature 24 hours a day.

We showered and then headed out for a late dinner and some drinks. Medellín apparently has some of the best nightlife in the world. We went to the Parque Lleras area of El Poblado. There were tons of people out and about and music thumped from every bar and restaurant. There were lots of trendy restaurants, lots of hostels, lots of bars. It was very upscale and hip. We got sushi and ate it outside in the pleasant weather. 

We went to a rooftop bar at the Charlee Hotel which had an open ceiling and had an eyelevel view of the building tops and the white lights in the city. We then went to a bar/club called Tabu and drank cheap beer and danced.

The next morning Reid and Diego made delicious breakfast burritos at the apartment and we had a slow morning. Eventually we got ready and walked to the metro station to start our day. On our walk we saw leaf cutter ants which are these crazy cool ants that carry huge pieces of bright green leaves around. It looks like there are thousands of tiny orderly windsurfers.

The walk ended up being a little longer than we expected and we walked through a very sketchy area accidentally to get there. It was immediately apparent when we had crossed some invisible neighborhood boundary from El Poblado into an unsafe area. 

Before coming to Colombia I read up very thoroughly on how some parts of Medellín are very safe and some areas should be avoided. The lists of both areas were long and it seemed like the city was a checkerboard of safe and unsafe neighborhoods. I kept hearing over and over that parts of Colombia were 'unsafe' and after awhile it just started to seem like it just described a vague feeling of unease. I also was unsure if I would be able to tell if an area was unsafe once I was there. It turns out that you can tell pretty intuitively. I was trying to articulate to someone recently how you can feel the difference between 'we look out of place curiosity attention' and 'we need to get out of here attention'. A lot of times people stare and it can be unnerving but most of the time it's just because we looked so distinctly foreign and out of place with our shorts, running shoes, and backpacks. But you can tell the difference I feel like between when people are staring because you look strange and staring in a way that makes you feel like you need to get out of that area.

The tip our tour guide gave us when someone asked how they could know if the area they were in was safe was "If there are lots of people around, it's probably safe. If it's empty and no one is out, you should probably get out of there." The neighborhood we had stumbled across was very empty compared to El Poblado. However, even though we felt unsafe, we were totally fine. We really had very few safety issues the whole trip. 

Medellín has the only metro system in Colombia. Our tour guide explained to us that the metro system is viewed as this very important symbol of achievement. The metro was incredibly clean and Hernán told us it was because the citizens of the city really respected it. We took the metro to the opposite end of the valley and transferred to the metro cable. There are currently only two metro cables in Medellín although there are three under construction. The metro cables are hailed as this incredibly innovative solution to getting those who live in the steep hillside favelas access to the city.

The first half of the metro cable was included in the metro fare. It took us to a stop near the top of the hill. The first half of the metro cable is actually used for commuting. We transferred to the second half of the metro cable which was much more expensive and from my understanding more for tourists. This metro cable was longer and took us way up the top of the mountain and over the ridge and over dense, dense foliage to Arví Park. 

At the top there was a dense outdoor market with lots of homemade foods and jewelry. Diego and I bought a snack of fried dough stuffed with queso fresco that did not sit too well with my mild hangover. There is a lot of hiking and camping at the top, but they advise guides for the more serious treks. We walked around for a bit and then headed back down the metro cable to make it to our free walking tour. 

We grabbed a quick lunch at the metro station and then met up with our tour guide, Hernán. He was an incredibly engaging former professor who now gave tours of the city full time. He learned all of our names. He said his goal is to give us an authentic and real look at the city, the good and the bad. He told us lots of stories and explained the political and cultural history of the city. He explained the cultural attitudes of the Paisas, those from the Paisa region of Colombia (of which Medellín is a part). It was a four hour walking tour. We were hesitant to commit to such a long tour and we had discussed bailing halfway through before we got to the tour. The tour felt like it went by so quickly and we happily stayed the whole time. According to their website, we went to"ld Railway Station, Alpujarra Administrative Centre, Square of Lights, Carabobo pedestrian street, National Palace, Veracruz Church, Botero Square (Sculptures Square), Pedro Nel's Murals, Berrio Park, Junin pedestrian street, Bolivar Park and San Antonio Park." I felt like I learned so much about Colombia history on the tour. I also really enjoy walking around cities, plus we had the added bonus of commentary and explanations of all of the things we saw.

Hernán introduced us to the concept of Papaya Level, which we used for the rest of the trip. In Medellín, Hernán explained, there is a phrase "no dar papaya" which means "don't give papaya". But conceptually it means "don't give opportunity". In other words, if you give others the opportunity to take advantage of your lack of attention or carefulness, they will. So do not give them the opportunity to. We heeded his words of caution carefully. He explained that we would be walking through parts of the city that varied in Papaya Level. Papaya Level 1 meant you just needed to maintain a standard level of cautiousness and awareness of your surroundings. There was likely little risk, but still pay attention. Papaya Level 3 he explained was when you should start wearing your backpack on your front and be especially wary of pickpockets. The highest level we went to was Papaya Level 5, where he explained people had been robbed. 

Children frequently squeezed their way into our tour circle to say hi. In one square that was a Papaya Level 3, an older Colombian lady stopped the tour guide mid speech and told him in Spanish, "Make sure to warn them about the thieves in this area."

We saw a lot of Botero sculptures around the city, which are large bronze statutes of humans and animals with disproportionate features.

The last stop on the tour was Parque San Antonio. Hernán told us the square was a Papaya Level 5 due to the robberies and instructed us that we needed to enter and leave the square as a group and that we should stand shoulder to shoulder in a circle so no one would bother us. Hernán then told us a captivating story about the two Botero sculptures of plump birds in the square. In 1995, a bomb was placed in the statue which killed 30 people during a music festival in the square. The city was unsure what to do about the statue until Botero himself called the mayor and requested that the damaged statue remain and he offered to create another statue. Hernán explained that he felt the juxtaposition of the two statues illustrated the complexity of Medellín. He explained that they did not want to forget their past, which was illustrated by the damaged statue. But Medellín now had a better present, and future, illustrated by the new statue. 

When the tour ended we decided to go check out the hyped Medellin Christmas lights. Diego, Reid, and I all went to Japan together where the metros at rush hour are notoriously filled with more humans than should be possible, given laws of physics. 

This was worse. We were not even able to get on the first three trains that came by. The fourth one we were determined and aggressive and we squeezed our way onto the train. There was no order, it was complete chaos. And mildly violent. People pulled and yanked and pushed and shoved and elbowed their way on and off the train. It was so squished saying you couldn't move is an understatement. You get stuck in whatever mid position you were in while trying to squeeze your way onto the train. We had to just push past people to get off the train at the Universidad stop. 

The lights were absolutely worth it though. They were insane. I heard there are over 30 million LEDs used in the Christmas lights. They fill up a whole amusement park with the lights. The paths leading up to the amusement park have tons of lights too. The path up to the park had these giant Christmas ball ornaments that you could walk in. There was a parade going by at the same time we were there playing music and dancing. The lights were very impressive, beautiful, and cool. Other words I heard used to describe them included gaudy and kitschy, which they somewhat were. Medellín was super into Christmas and it was really fun. The colorful lights were the only reminder that Christmas was less than ten days away, given that we were walking around in sunny and clear 70 degree weather. 

The girl in the gorilla costume scared me intentionally. And successfully. She then took off her mask and shook a change jar at me, asking me to pay her for scaring me. "No tengo, lo siento," I told her.

The entrance to the amusement park was free and we walked around.

Everyone seemed to be super in to Christmas lights and most homes had flashing Christmas lights up. Medellin itself had beautiful night lights. The hillsides in every direction looked like they were covered in gold and purple glitter.

We took the metro back and got Thai in El Poblado.

We called it an early night and drank wine and listened to music at our airbnb. Reid likes 'house' music and usually had control over the speakers. He played songs like this, this, this, this, and this. 

The next morning we decided to take a day trip to Guatapé. This day ended up being one of my favorite days.

We got up early and called an uber. It's a two hour drive and most taxis can charge up to $400 USD roundtrip. There are also buses available but we wanted to get there as early as possible. Uber gave us a fare estimate of 125000 COP, or about 40 USD. Our first uber arrived and politely explained to us that it was not worth it for the money to take us all the way to Guatapé. We understood and completely agreed that it was not really fair to the uber drivers for that price and distance. Our second uber driver arrived. When he found out where we were going, he asked if we would be willing to cancel the uber and pay him in cash so he wouldn't have to pay uber a cut and make it more worth his while while we remained indifferent. We agreed. He was a university student. 

Guatapé is a big tourist destination. There is a huge reservoir. It reminded me a little of Shasta. The reservoir flooded lots of towns. Because the area is so hilly, the reservoir looks really unique. The water is very blue and this hills are very green. The lake is full of tiny bays and fingers and squigly coastlines. Near the reservoir is an absurdly out of place giant rock that you pay $6 USD to hike 700 steps to the top of.

The steps are kindly labeled so you know how few steps you've hiked. Once you get to the top there's not much to do but admire the view.

There was a little restaurant and some tourist shops at the top of the rock, but we weren't really interested so we just hiked back down 700 steps to the bottom.

The base of the rock is still on a hilltop and about ten minutes away from the town. For $3 we took a very tiny taxi to the town of Guatapé.

Guatapé is a really cute and colorful little town on the waterside.

We got lunch at the edge of a square and we all ordered the traditional dish Bandeja Paisa.

The boys so kindly ate the meat for me.

We then walked to the water. There was a zip line that we all did for $3USD each. They hooked all four of us into harnesses and tied us all together and pulled us across to the other side. Then one by one they released us and we soared over the lake before colliding full speed into a crash pad at the end. 

For a long time we debated what we wanted to do. We were between kayaks and jet skis. Eventually we opted for none of the above and paid a fisherman to take us to Pablo Escobar's abandoned beach house. We bought a styrofoam cooler full of Aguila beers and loaded up the boat. The boat driver pointed out the vacation homes of Colombian footballers and drug kingpins on the boat over.

View of the rock from the lake

This is a church that was flooded when the dam was built.

This is where the boat dropped us off. We paid a guy who worked for Pablo for 30 years $2USD to explore the abandoned house. This house used to be part of Pablo's estate and is now a bar. We walked over to the abandoned house. The government seized the property after Pablo's death and just left it to rot. The former employee of Pablo reclaimed it from the government. We were kind of shady on the details, but that's what we gathered.

View of the house from the lake

Some tough graduate students

Prohibido Entrar

We spent a very long time exploring and taking photos around the property. It was kind of eerie. The floors were covered in mud and grass and weeds had overgrown everything. The shell of the house was still intact, with the white walls crumbling and pieces of the structure sticking out in unnatural directions. The pool was filled with slime. We wandered upstairs, downstairs, around the guest houses and garages. It was insane. My mom asked me later if I was worried that the floor or roof would collapse while we were there. "Oh," I said honestly. "That didn't occur to me."

You could easily imagine though the kind of extravagant Gatsbyesque parties that had been thrown at such a mansion before it succumbed to neglect and time. 

The vultures added to the ambiance.

Being at the beach house made me think of the poem "Ozymandias" about the ruined statue of a pharaoh overlooking nothing but desert where his empire used to be. 

"Ozymandias" by Percy Bysshe Shelley

I met a traveller from an antique land, 

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone 

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand, 

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown, 

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, 

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read 

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, 

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed; 

And on the pedestal, these words appear: 

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings; 

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair! 

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay 

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare 

The lone and level sands stretch far away.

I read an estimate that Pablo Esocbar was worth almost $30 billion. He owned multiple mansions all over Colombia before he was (spoiler alert if you're still watching Narcos) killed. And now 20 something tourists walk freely among the ruins of his former personal empire.

We were there for a long time. We then took the boat back to Guatapé. 

We had run into some Kiwis from our walking tour in Medellín earlier in the day. They told us they were planning on jumping off of the bridge at the edge of town into the lake. We decided to check it out to see if it was worth jumping off. We stood in the middle for a long time and deliberated. There was a boat that had sunk under the bridge and we stared at that for a long time wondering what else was submerged under there. We asked a passing Colombian if it was safe. "It's deep enough," he told Diego in Spanish. "But if the police see you they'll give you a ticket." 

"I saw a slide on our way over here. Maybe we could start with that," I suggested. So we walked back over to where I saw the slide. 

For $3 USD we got unlimited rides down the slide and jumps on a blob. The employees referred to it as La Catapulta. Reid went down the slide once but didn't have enough momentum to get into the water. So we switched to the blob.

In order to get you flying as high as possible, they decided it would be a good idea for two people to jump off a very high platform to get as much power behind the launch as possible. So you climb up this rickety 30 foot high ladder to a platform that shakes and slips and wobbles and creaks underneath you. Honestly, it's probably going to come collapsing down to earth in a pile of toothpicks any second if it hasn't already. I found it comical that they insisted we wear life jackets because drowning did not seem like the most likely thing to kill us. 

So one of us would climb out to the end of the blob. Another one of us would climb to the top of the platform. We climbed on the back of one of the employees who would launch himself gainer style off the platform and down onto the blob. He landed on his back, which meant he essentially landed on top of you. Jumping off the platform was significantly scarier than being launched off the blob but surprisingly less painful. The combination of the height we jumped from and the weight of two people meant that we went flying.

We took turns. Diego jumped off for Reid. I jumped off for Diego. I climbed nervously on the guy's back and clung on tightly. I shrieked as he jumped. Diego got launched in the air. Then I crawled to the end of the blob. Reid jumped for me.

Reid climbed on the guy's back and he shaka waved at me and they jumped down. I braced myself, uncertain what I should expect. I went flying straight up into the air. I looked down and realized I was going to land back on the blob. I started flailing as I came landing back to earth. My ear broke my fall and the impact ripped my earring out. I surfaced half groaning half laughing. I crawled my way back onto the dock. "I think that's good enough for me. I'm done."

Now that we were soaked and shivering we were ready to head back to Medellín. We planned to take the bus back. When we got to the station there was a guy who offered to take us back to the city for less than the bus fare. We raised our eyebrows skeptically. We filed the facts into 'sketchy' and 'not sketchy' columns to decide if the taxi was legit. As we were deliberating, the driver offered us a further discount. How could it cost over $400 to take a roundtrip taxi but less than $20 to take this taxi? We filed the price under sketchy. "I live in Medellín and I have to drive back home tonight anyway," he explained to us. We filed that under not sketchy. We also filed Joe's feeling of unease and the fact that they loaded up the trunk of the taxi with some questionable boxes as sketchy. We filed the fact that the bus office corroborated the driver's story and the fact that the taxi seemed to have certification hanging in the window as not sketchy.

"Let's just do it," Diego said. We were eager to get back quickly so we agreed and squished in.

The driver spent the next two hours back to Medellín laying on the horn, passing multiple cars and buses on the wrong side of the road with traffic coming at us, weaving aggressively between obstacles, randomly accelerating so fast we'd jerk back before slamming on the brakes, and screaming into his cell phone at his wife. Joe made a request to pee at one point and the driver immediately screeched to a halt on the shoulder of a very busy highway. The driver took the opportunity to get out of the car and smoke a cigarette as the rush hour traffic whizzed by us. On top of this, we all had pounding headaches from our possible mild concussions from the blob and were exhausted. Eventually we came over a huge hill and descended into the valley where Medellín is nestled. The city lights at night are gorgeous. We asked the driver to drop us off in El Poblado and he shook his head. "That's out of my way," he told us. "I'll just drive you to the nearest metro stop." What kind of taxi doesn't take you to the destination you request? I thought to myself. To be fair, he did only agree to take us to Medellín. We never specified where in Medellín. We called an uber from where he unceremoniously dumped us off to take us the rest of the way back. 

For convenience, we all took turns paying for things. Joe kept track of expenses in a note on his phone so we could figure out who owed who at the end of the trip. This expense showed up as 'Taxi that almost killed us - everyone owes Kelly $5'.

It took a significant amount of effort to go out that night. Begrudgingly, we showered and changed and headed back to Parque Lleras. We ate hipster tacos at a restaurant called Burdo and then went to a hostel bar. We then went to a small dance club on top of a restaurant called La Bicicletta. La Bicicletta played 70s dance music the whole night. They also had a patio with a partial view of the city. The club was just the right amount of crowded and the four of us broke out our dorkiest dance moves and danced nonstop. 

We had some disagreement as to what time was reasonable to stay out until, given our 7 am flight the next morning. The compromise was 1:00 am. We danced until 2:30.